Last night on my way into the Colonial Park mall for a hair appointment, I parked next to a couple in a pick-up truck having a very loud argument. The fight seemed to be about another girl's number in his phone, and why did he have this number, etc. Here's my version of how this story went down and how it hopefully ended.
It started off as a lovely fall evening in Harrisburg, PA. Jim picked up Sally from work in his red pick-up truck. They headed over to the mall for some Chinese food and so Sally could check out the End of Summer sales. They were both laughing and singing along with the radio, and Sally decided to take a picture with Jim's phone to capture the happy moment. She took the picture and then went to send herself a copy. As she scrolled through his contacts to look for her number, she saw an unfamiliar name.
"Who's Theresa?"
Jim was silent as Sally's mind went through all the girls they knew, Jim's aunts and cousins. Could Theresa be the bartender from Aroogas who flirted with Jim last week? Or the waitress from the Drinking Bone?
"She's nobody, she works in the mall," Jim replied, as he parked, scrambling for the answer least likely to get his truck keyed.
"So is she nobody, or does she work in the mall? Why is her number in your phone?" Sally asked suspiciously.
"So I can call her. That's usually why you have someone's number in your phone isn't it?" Jim asked sarcastically. "She's one of the ladies who sells bath fixtures, I was going to get the shower redone." He loved Sally, had since high school, but when she acted like this he wondered if they were STILL in high school.
"Don't make a joke Jim! You've never talked to one of those people for more than 10 seconds. Tell me who she is. What's her last name? Why is this bitch's number in your phone?" Sally asked.
"You need to stop this now. We've been together for years. Don't you trust me at all? What kind of sleaze do you think I am?"
"You're a lying bastard is what you are, Jim! I'm tired of waiting around for you to get serious about us, and I'm tired of there being other women's numbers in your phone!"
Sally got out of the truck and slammed the door. She started to stomp towards the mall. Somewhere in there was a red dress and a pair of screw-me heels with her name on them. She'd see how HE liked it when she had other guys giving her their numbers. Jim got out of the truck and yelled after her.
"You're a crazy bitch! How can I get serious about someone who threatens to break up with me all the time?"
"It's the only way you pay attention to me, you idiot! We've been out of high school for SIX years, everyone we graduated with is already engaged or married. Just admit that you're just hanging onto me until someone better like THERESA comes along!" Sally screamed. A group of high school kids clustered in front of the mall entrance, watching and smoking in silence. This was better than the Kardashians!
"Do you want to know who Theresa is? Why don't you call her and ask? Isn't that next thing crazy bitches do?" Jim kicked his phone across the parking lot at her. He could buy a new case inside, the look on Sally's face when she called Theresa's number was going to be totally worth it.
Sally grabbed the phone and yelled back "Yeah, I'll call her, and I'll tell her about that time you got so drunk you fell asleep in your truck and pissed all over yourself! That'll impress her!"
Sally hit the send button, and nearly dropped the phone when a pleasant voice answered, "Kay Jewelers, Colonial Park, how may I help you?"
Still not completely convinced, Sally asked "Does Theresa work there?"
The pleasant voice said, "Yes, but she's not in this evening, she'll be her Saturday. Is there anything I can assist you with, or would you like me to leave a message for her?"
"No thanks, no message, I mean thank you," Sally hung up the phone and looked at Jim, perplexed. "Why do you have a number for Kay's in your phone?"
Jim walked towards her and put his hands on either side of her face. "I have Kay's number because I bought a ring for you. Theresa is the saleswoman, she was very kind and helped me arrange a payment plan. It says Theresa in my phone instead of Kay's because I know you go through my phone when you think I'm not paying attention and I wanted to surprise you. I love you Sally, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Now can we go get our sweet and sour chicken?"
Sally started crying, "You bought me an engagement ring? You bought me a ring and I'm horrible and jealous and crazy. Are you sure you still want to give it to me?"
Jim laughed, "Of course I still want to give it to you! C'mon, I don't want Chinese food now. I'm going to take my future wife someplace classy. Let's go to the Olive Garden!"
The End
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